Pinnacle Northwest News June 2010

Seattle Pinnacle Partner Alan Pratt appointed President of the The International Association of Advisors in Philanthropy (AiP) As a Chartered Advisor in Philanthropy (CAP) and Certified Estate Planner (CEP), Alan has served on the board of AiP for the past three years. Alan Pratt also served as past president for the Fellowship, a long time Seattle ministry for business men started by Abraham Veriede, founder of the Prayer Breakfast movement.

Why Forums Work

At the core, C3 Leaders is committed to bringing peer leaders together, face to face, in small group settings to foster trusting relationships where life and leadership can be strengthened. The mission of C3 Leaders starts and ends in the forum environment.

The forum format is simple and direct, designed for the leader who cannot afford to waste time but values trusting relationships. The forum is not a bible study and it is not an accountability group. However, many forum participants find that the bible is the foundation of each forum and that walking with others with a vulnerable attitude fosters accountability.

The Forum Chair and Co-Chair serve in the roles of mentor, coach, friend, co-learner, etc… Forum Chairs have all of the resources available to provide a safe place with enough structure to give security and enough freedom to provide interest, spontaneity, and creativity.

Northwest News June 2010

What's Changing and are we doing any good?

Recently, Bob Nuber, Pinnacle Forum Northwest Chairman asked this question...

On May 19, breakfast participants at the Pinnacle Forum Community Breakfast were given the answer with a resounding,"Yes!" Several leaders from our community shared about their life and how they were changing and engaging the culture with the values of Jesus. Barry Horn, Senior Vice President and board director of Guild Mortgage shared how his experience in Guatemala serving a village challenged him to start thinking about changing our city. With a group of friends Barry founded Liberty Road Foundation to build a working relationship between business and non-profits to meet the social need of our community. Steve Pelluer, a commercial real estate agent and former NFL and University of Washington quarterback shared how changing the culture starts on the inside and that for him that means loving his wife and family effectively. Donna Hart, Director of Labor Relations with the US Government shared how her heart was touched with the tragedy of human trafficking when she began investigating sweat shops. For three days she simply wept before deciding to do something about this tragic world blight. Peter Cline, founder and CEO of Auxano Advisors shared how a group of businessmen decided to spread the word to other business leaders about gaining a Christian world view by holding seminars on "Doing Business God's Way." Dr. Chip Kimball, Lake Washington School District Superintendent shared how his district has made a commitment to tell the truth and how difficult it is in our complex social environment. Finally, Dr. Ward Tanneberg, Excecutive Director for CASA shared how the original Pinnacle Forum member started turning his life around at 80 years of age... The turn came at the foot of a burning bush...His name was Moses.

Conclusion: We must be doing something good....

Book Reviews

Jerry Brown, Pinnacle Forum board member and co-founder of Financial Network Services reviews Crucial Conversations.
by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler

Power -The ability to talk openly about high-stakes, emotional, controversial topics. This ability powers strong relationships, careers, organizations and communities. This is the ability to master Crucial Conversations. What is a Crucial Conversation?

1. Opinions vary
2. Stakes are high
3. Emotions run strong

Problem - When conversations move from casual to crucial - when they matter the most - we're generally on our worst behavior. Why?
• Adrenaline
• Blood diverted from brain to large muscles

The Pool of Shared Meaning -Although we each have our own personal pool of meaning, people who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool.
• The Pool of Shared Meaning is a measure of a group's IQ. The larger the shared pool, the smarter the decisions.
• Arguing, debating and running away reveal our inability to share meaning. Start with Heart - Begin high risk discussions with the right motives, and stay focused no matter what happens. "Eye on the Prize" -Focus on what you really want.

• Notice when you are starting to change your goal to save face, avoid
embarrassment, win, be right, or punish others.

• When adrenaline does our thinking for us, our motives flow with the chemical tide.

• What am I doing and what does that tell me about my underlying motive? Once shifting desires are detected, ask these questions:

o What do I really want for myself?

o What do I really want for others?

o What do t really want for the relationship?

• How would I behave if this were what I really wanted?

• The Sucker's Choice" -The assumption that we are caught between two distasteful options... and they are the only two options... the worst of either/or thinking. There just might be a third option that doesn't call for unhealthy behavior. (“Maybe there's a way to be honest and respectful.”)

Learn to Look - When both stakes and emotions are high, we get so caught up in what we are saying that we don't learn to look and see what's happening to ourselves and to others. Ask what and why... why are people upset or holding back?

Learn to spot a crucial Conversation
• Physical signs -e.g. tight stomach or dry eyes
• Emotions -Notice that you are scared, hurt or angry or feel like attacking or withdrawing (fight and flight are both motivated by fear)
o Recode this as ~people are feeling unsafe."
o Learn to look for Safety and then be curious, not angry or frightened.
o Am I having a good or bad impact on safety?
o Watch for your Style Under Stress – Do I Mask, Avoid or Withdraw?
o Make It Safe - Step out of the conversation, build safety, and then find a way to dialogue.
• "Can we change gears for a minute?"
• "The last thing I want to do is... “
• Which condition is at risk?

o Mutual Purpose - Do I really care about this person's interests and see their perspective?

• Mutual Respect -"Lord, help me forgive those who sin differently than I.”

• To restore trust Contrast - A don't/do statement

o e.g. "The last thing I wanted to do was make you think I don't value your work." (the don't part) "I think your work has been terrific." (the do part)

Master My Stories - Master your emotions or your emotions will master you.
• We must understand the Path to Action:
See/Hear Tell a Story Feel Act

There is an intermediate step between what others do and how we feel. That step is the story that I tell myself. Just after we observe what others do and just before we feel some emotion about it, we tell ourselves a story. We add meaning, motive and judgment.

Getting in touch with your feelings

1. When experiencing strong emotions, do you stop and think about your feelings (self-observation)?

2. Do you talk openly with others about how you feel?

3. Is your vocabulary robust and accurate? (Expand your emotional vocabulary)

Analyze your own stories -Watch out for:
• Victim Stories -"It's not my fault"
• Villain Stories -"It's all your fault"
• Helpless Stories -"There's nothing else I can do"

Tell the rest of the story
• Am I pretending not to notice my role in the problem?
• Why would a reasonable, rational and decent person do this?
• What do I really want?
• What would I do right now if I really wanted these results?

State My Path - How to speak Persuasively, not Abrasively
• Worst -Blunt with no tact or stay mum
• Better -Speak some of their mind but understate it for fear of hurting others
• Best -Both totally frank and completely respectful, making it safe for others to hear and respond.

STATE (Acronym)*
• Share your facts -Start with the least controversial element of your Path
• Tell your Story -Explain what you're beginning to conclude,
• Ask for others Paths (Their Path to Action) -Encourage their facts & stories
• Talk Tentatively -The more forceful, the less persuasive. State it as a story; don't disguise it as a fact.
• Encourage Testing -Be equally vigorous in encouraging others to challenge your opinion.

*The first three skills describe what to do. The last two tell how to do it.
Irony -The more you care about an issue, the less likely you are to be on your best behavior.
• Open yourself up to the belief that others might have something to say, and better still, they might hold a piece of the puzzle -and then ask them for their views.
• Explore Others Paths - How to listen when others blow up or clam up.
• Curiosity and Patience are critical as you explore the others Path to Action (AMPP)
• Ask -Express interest in the other person's views
• Mirror -Increase safety by acknowledging the other person's feelings.
• Paraphrase -Use reflective listening skills.
• Prime -If others hold back, take your best guess at what they are thinking and feeling.

Move to Action - How to turn Crucial Conversations into Action and Results.
• Dialogue is not decision making -be clear about how decisions will be made who will be involved and why.
o Try not to involve people who contribute no new information.
o Involve the fewest number of people while still considering the quality of the decision.

• How to Decide -Four Options
o Command -Decisions are made without involving others.
o Consult -Input is gathered from the group and then a subset decides.
o Vote -An agreed upon percentage wins the decision.
o Consensus -Everyone comes to an agreement and then supports the final decision.
o Tool: Also see “Coaching and Preparing for Crucial Conversations”.